Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
PANTIES FOUND
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