Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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