He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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