I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize