I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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