Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
