Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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