I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
