Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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