he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize