my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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