Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
