"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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