we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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