this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize