Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
