Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
