he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Randomize
