It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
