My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
