You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
