He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
