True but thats because hes a fetus.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
