So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
