we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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