You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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