Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
