Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
