somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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