we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just tell him i said nine months
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
