i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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