Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
