She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
