420 ftw
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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