I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
