how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
