i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
