If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
