I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Found your dick twin last night
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
