I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize