not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
