How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
