don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
