My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
