READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
