do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
