K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
