Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
