help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
