if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
