yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
