He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
