Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize