The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize