Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
