If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
