in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The beer is more important than you right now.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
