I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
