apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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