you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
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