Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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