I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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