She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
