Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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