I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
