i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
