I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
