my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
