dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
