he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
