Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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