Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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