she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
