I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
