if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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