Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
