Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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