Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
