one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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