She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
