laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize