I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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