For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
