she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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