she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize