he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
