i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Boobs are out for the taking
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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