is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
