My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
