i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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