worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
