he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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