His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Pants are for mortals
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
