Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
