Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
