1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
