I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
