Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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