dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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