Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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