I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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