I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
