Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
